A letter About Grief

Now that you are gone I remember you often. Your huge spectacles which you used while reciting the Quran. Your small abaya which fits your height. The way you used to smile at mundane things. Everything that you ever told me remains with me. I remember you. You are not a forgotten memory nor an untold story. You are an echo, the one that wakes up the walls of the heart. I can’t believe you are no more and that your blanket remains untouched and folded on your bed. You never judged me for who I am granny.  You never suspected me of the unseen. I didn’t just lose you but I lost a lover. I wish I spent more time with you. Remember the night when we went to Bata to get you a pair of sandals and you demanded the salesman to give you clean not dirty notes of money/change? You called me near to you to tell me a secret then we both giggled about your past. I always searched for a best friend in the wrong places but I didn’t realise it was you all along in the middle of all the stories and jokes what I was searching for was actually in you.  Woe to me I didn’t notice the companionship that I seeked all my life was just around me through out. I miss you and everything about you. You know granny that day a stranger offered to help me at the bank. His name was Abu Bakr. He walked away right after he rescued me of my ignorance and I said “Thank you.” Thinking that he wouldn’t understand the meaning of Jazak Allaahu khair. Who will make pickles for me now? Granny the mangoes that you sold to us were infact filled with insects Mom told not to tell you coz it would have upset you. You can’t even read this letter nor hear me. All I wanted to say is your absence is well felt and heard.I can hear your silence so loud and clear.  It almost aches the veins on my wrist and makes me take long breaths.

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