Almost A Year Here

Before it is officially a year here I would like to make a blog post. I have written several ones prior to this but I didn’t feel 100% about posting them. So this is my last attempt.

Today I was just looking around my room and it is the smallest room and I was always ashamed to tell people about my room because people would have opinions and think that I am being a miser by saving cost by living here but I tell you in my life I have never felt this cosy and comfortable. I always wanted to live in a small room every time I thought about moving to college as you can see online the many pictures of dorms are tiny but I don’t live in hostel which is a relief. I never followed rules to be honest and I don’t like to be bounded by regulations as hostel imposes. I only follow laws and respect cultural customs to not offend anyone.

I have never lived in a such a small space before nor have I seen until I moved here but the thing about big space is it makes you feel the absence of people and also eventhough I had my own room when I went back to Sylhet and Riyadh I still never got to design my own space as my father loved rearranging furniture. Therefore my bed would move from one corner to another from time to time according to his wish. This is my 3rd apartment btw I have lived in two other places before all in Master-bedroom which was spacious but there was too much space for a young person like me. When I moved into this apartment it was a challenge to fit all my things and also decorate it and when I finally did I took a video and sent to my parents who were not happy about my decision of taking the small room as back home the rooms are all big. They couldn’t understand why I chose this room over the Medium room. However when my friend came over she commented it doesn’t look stuffy and it looks quite good.

I am also a lazy person by nature I don’t like to move from the place where I sit to grab things which are not within my hands distance. In Riyadh I would call my siblings from across the house to ask them to close my room’s door coz I couldn’t stand up. Therefore I do think I wasn’t taught to live independently contrary to my Dad’s dismay that he thinks I can’t take decisions by myself. Well I do call my parents all the time about everything so  it is natural for them to get annoyed. Once I called my Dad at 4am (ksa time) to tell about my horrific experience. Not my fault he didn’t switch off his wifi. I just like my parents to be in the loop about what I am up to. I am old enough to not play hide and seek knowing that they are the best advisors and the most caring people when it comes to my wellbeing.

My Mom specially was worried about me moving constantly. I even had a list of condominiums that I would live in the next few years. I loved moving and finding new places but as reality kicked in and I found out there are so some psychopaths out there and since I was just going to rent a room so that would mean I have to deal with their nonsense. Therefore I signed another contract with my current landlord extending my stay.

The best thing about this country is the cuisine ranging from so many cultures and lands. I love it in fact I love mussels and clams which any Bengali person I speak to says ”Eeeks.”

I also realised how self-dependant I have become physically. I have never asked a man’s help to carry my things except this one time when I paid him. I even noticed that people are not always there for me as I am there for them which is a very sad realisation but it is the truth. This led to my self-discovery that I am nurturing I never even thought I had that quality. You know I am the protector even my family would impose some of their duties which engages talking to strangers on me because they know I can handle it.

I like face to face interactions with people and to know them and to study them. I always enjoyed going to the mall here until last January because it made me feel the absence of family. I truly liked going to places alone but I have minimised it coz my parents don’t appreciate it also after my last holiday whenever I go anywhere alone I just realise how I stand out in the crowd. 2017 just made me feel that there is no one to defend me when I need them to  absolutely no one and it hurts me but at the same time it just makes me feel happy that I am not depressed about or stressed about it. I have become so comfortable with myself that it doesn’t tear me apart knowing that there is no one who would understand my circumstances without blaming everything on me.

I also learned a lot of things within this one year such as picking a lock. I got locked out of my own apartment as I left my keys in my room and locked it from outside. And I had to rush to college so I just asked my cousin to open the gate and left but when I came back no one was picking up my call so I used a bobby pin to unlock the main door and then  I still couldn’t unlock my room’s door. Therefore I had to call a professional and he had to break it and costs me so much to fix it.

Other things that I have mastered are:

  • Talking to different races and knowing what they are sensitive about.
  • How not to text right away when I am angry
  • How to not to give my opinions when it is not asked for
  • How to calm people down and get my work done
  • How to put my ego aside and smile at the person who broke my heart
  • How to reconnect with relatives and how to converse with them because before I wouldn’t know what to say even forget some of my cousins names.
  • How to attend classes even though mentally and emotionally I am dying.
  • How to avoid people and pretend that I don’t know them at all
  • How to sugarcoat to get people do my things
  • How to stand my ground either my way or no way
  • How to clean floors
  • How to be polite and apologise when necessary
  • How to act like it didn’t hurt me and reconcile as if nothing happened.
  • How to be professional
  • How to pretend I am not hearing when I am
  • How to not give in when people are emotionally blackmailing me
  • How to leave a conversation before it turns into an argument
  • How to sleep through a fight
  • How to pack my luggage
  • How to just make people help me without asking for it
  • How not to cry to anyone
  • How to take criticism lightly and laugh about it.
  • How to prevent people from visiting me
  • How to use education as an excuse for not meeting people
  • How to do laundry and which clothes require hand washing
  • The cheapest way to travel
  • How not to let my illness become a barrier between me and my everyday routine
  • How to collect medicines and never consume them

I have met the best strangers here who would make my week even some non Muslims who were super nice. Also I always felt like I held back from alot of things coz of my own insecurities but College just made me open up and showcase what I am passionate about regardless if people understood or not as you know if you speak English fluently here people think you are speaking fast. Everyone thought I wouldn’t last two weeks here but Alhamdulillah I am truly grateful to Allaah that He made it possible.

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