2 years (A Lost Letter to Her)

November, 2016

Alhamdulillah I just noticed that this blog completed its two years in October. Sometimes writing here seems too personal and sometimes it feels like a field where you can inhale fresh air. On the other hand it feels like I am an

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2017: It’s a Wrap

This year has been challenging to say the least. I have not only had experience to work with children but also learned a lot about myself throughout the process. I have learnt to care for my needs and also to tackle a good quality in me which could become bad if not used in the correct manner. My life has been turned upside down not quite so much yet did I face it all with courage? Continue reading

Scattered

We often seem to think we have pulled everything together yet one can only try to make an effort. I have been chosen for this role for 2017 and I thought it was a small role. There was no work to be done yet with time I realised the importance of the job and how seriously I have been taking. Few weeks back when we were deciding who is going to replace our positions  and who will take over. I stepped down mentally and thought to myself how much effort I have put in. I thought perhaps I took it way too seriously. Perhaps I should have been easy on myself. The job didn’t even require me to go an extra mile yet I did. I thought people won’t even notice my work so then we were given recognition for our roles.  I thought 2018 will be a slow and steady year and I will probably not socialise that much.Hence, I stopped Continue reading

Fear of Moving On, Uncertainty & Love

I have overstated my abilities so now I have due work and I just started about two hours ago and I am already having neck pain from sitting down and typing. I shouldn’t have delayed my work nor underestimated the designing work. I am not sure if I will be able to meet the deadline because there is too much to be done and I have other stuff to do. Worst part my lecturer said she expects a lot from my group. I am seriously Taboleh Pakau now. Tomorrow is a big day then I have got an event on Wednesday. That reminds me I have to wake up today at 5 am.

I had a lot of good stuff to say today but I have been hit by stress now. Tomorrow I  will sit with my group mate for 3 hours if she isn’t late to finish their part. I wish everyone knew me as this unreliable and lazy person then they wouldn’t depend on me to get their work done. I wish I was careless and absent minded.

We got our last Academic calendar before we part ways. Everything about 2018 calendar is nostalgic. I will write about it soon and my current favourite people. Thinking about next year always makes me melancholic and crave for all the past moments but we have another year to make memories; our last moments together. I always liked leaving places and things but this upcoming year is awfully depressing due to the fact that I will never get to meet these people after we bid farewell unless I or they make an effort to visit each other. The travelling is expensive Oh this is pure sadness. These people are the ones with whom I share my educational philosophies and goals. We have a countdown though 365 days until I leave this place. I am so familiar with the roads and transportation here. I even know my way around the fifth largest mall in Asia.

New place means starting all over again and forming new relationships. It is really sad. I hate to move on or to even think that I have to make an effort to know the new people in my life. My heart will be broken again and again before I find the right people. I will have to learn about the new environment and locality and which train to take and the cheapest and the less time consuming route to my house from malls, supermarkets, field visits, clinics and restaurants.

Sorry I wanted to be positive but how can I when my heart is attached to these people? Why do I have to leave and why do they have to leave? For the better.

The heart is grieving and the eyes are sad but we shall be hopeful that distance doesn’t become a wall between our souls. I shall pray that I don’t forget my effort in building such caring and helpful relationships and I shall pray that when I am hurt I can remember there were people in my life who were extremely kind to me once. Alhamdulillah for everything.