Anxiety, Stress & Life Hurdles

I just feel horrible because I am unable to meet the standards I have put out for myself and also another reason is it is difficult to do what I would like to do when there are so many other things which need to be done. It is hard to find a balance between the person you would like to be and the person people would like you to be.

I am taking way too much stress which is having an affect on my physical health and also the fact that I can’t maintain a consistent healthy diet. It is on and off. Since November the mental stress has been affecting my body in ways which really has an impact on my daily routine. Stress is fine for me until I see the bad influence it has on my physical health and it really upsets me. I started taking medications but the side effect of the pills was migraine so I stopped. I know alternatives ways to tackle these issues but I can’t seem to find the right time.

My battle with coffee started back in October when I bought a Vietnamese cold coffee and I started feeling really anxious but I kept drinking it. It turns out I got an anxiety attack from the coffee. As a result I tried drinking all types of coffee and the moment I took one sip my heart would pound harder and there  was no question of taking a second sip. I tried americano, latte, cappuccino, 3 in 1 coffee and nothing made a difference. I was extremely saddened by it and I discovered that only Arabic cardamom coffee  (qahwa) of this specific brand doesn’t trigger my anxiety which made me happy.

However, it has been around 8 months since I stopped having raw sugar like with any drinks that I make for myself. So I don’t buy sugar and use it in my cooking. My doctor advised me to stop taking dairy, fried food, sugary drinks (sodas) and also fruit juices. I tried doing that for a week and it made a tremendous positive difference in my health. Then I gave up on the diet because I thought I had eaten these non restricted food all my life so my body can deal with it. You know these food are not new for my digestive system yet I was wrong. I have stopped having cereal yet I do eat butter, cheese and other dairy products.

It is like battling with myself and I feel so good when I am maintaining a healthy diet yet when I cheat once ; I tend to continue cheating and we go back to square one.

If there is any person who is maintaining a strict diet, I would really appreciate your advice.

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15 Things to Do Before You Get Married

Whether you are seeking marriage or you are happily single. Don’t despair seeing all the married couples online. You could make use of this time to get closer to Allaah because after nikkah you will have needs to cater to. All the married sisters I have spoken are super busy with newborns, chores and guests etc.

              1. First and foremost study Aqeedah. You could join a study circle or listen to the explanation of Usool Ath Thalatha in recordings of lectures. You can email me  hastynomad@gmail.com for sisters only study circle taught by student of knowledge,  Zaynab Al Kateb.

        2.Learn how the Prophet Muhammad sall Allaahu alayhi wa sallam prayed by reading How the Prophet ﷺPrayed by Shaykh Abdul-Aziz bin Abdulllah bin Baz.

3.Memorise Quran: So below I will give you some authentic links to help you while memorising the words of our Lord.

4. Try to perfect your hijab if you haven’t already. Of course some sisters say that they will start wearing the veil/hijab after marriage but a man who has Taqwa would want to marry a woman who has Taqwa. You can’t expect to change overnight after your nikkah. You will be the same person after marriage as you are now except that now your husband will have the upper hand and will be your protector. And the question is will you be wearing the hijab because of your husband or you will be wearing it to follow the commands of Allaah? Because I have met sisters and one particularly whose husband died and the niqab and the hijab SubhanAllaah she left it all. It is very important that you don’t delay to follow the commands of Allaah because youth do die unmarried. And if there is Emaan in your heart it will reflect on your outer appearance. Two knowledgeable readings are:

The Conditions for the Proper Hijaab – Shaykh Zayd Al-Madkhalee

The Jilbaab and what Garments can Substitute It – Shaykh al-Albaani

5. Spend lots and lots of time with your family specially with your parents. Listen to them. Be patient with them if they are not Salafi.

6. Learn how to cook. It is very important that you know even if you don’t need it.

7. Minimise your contact with non-maharim (plurah of mahram). No Salafi righteous man would want to know that his wife interacts with brothers randomly. If you know a Sheikh or a student of knowledge you can ask questions but also respect the timezone and don’t be persistent if they are not replying. It applies to both genders but I have spoken to righteous sisters and a key to a successful marriage is to keep it low key among non Maharim. If you are doing it he will do it and if he does it you will do it. You will not like a husband who is always interested in your friend’s whereabouts.  Imagine marrying a man and finding out that most of the sisters on social media already know him ”personally”. There is something called self-restraint. That quality is very important.

8. Study Arabic Language. You can self-teach yourself.

9. If you have any issue such as anger issues you need to take control of it. Speak less. Listen more. During an argument leave if you fear you will utter anything that will displease Allaah.

10. Wake up for tahajjud. Increase in your nawafil prayers.

11. Fast on the white days of the lunar month and Mondays and Thursdays. After marriage for recommended fasts you have to ask your husband’s permission.

12. Spend less. Minimise your expenditure. Be generous when helping out those in need.

13. Learn manners and how to effectively resolve conflicts. You can read this book Upright Moral Character by Shaykh Muhammad Saalih Uthaymeen. 

14. Do your chores rather than depending on your family.

15. Lastly, read this book 20 Pieces Advice to my sister before her Marriage by Sheikh Badr bin Ali Al-Utaybee. I have read it a couple of times because the keys to a successful marriage: this book has it all.

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2017: It’s a Wrap

This year has been challenging to say the least. I have not only had experience to work with children but also learned a lot about myself throughout the process. I have learnt to care for my needs and also to tackle a good quality in me which could become bad if not used in the correct manner. My life has been turned upside down not quite so much yet did I face it all with courage? Continue reading

Scattered

We often seem to think we have pulled everything together yet one can only try to make an effort. I have been chosen for this role for 2017 and I thought it was a small role. There was no work to be done yet with time I realised the importance of the job and how seriously I have been taking. Few weeks back when we were deciding who is going to replace our positions  and who will take over. I stepped down mentally and thought to myself how much effort I have put in. I thought perhaps I took it way too seriously. Perhaps I should have been easy on myself. The job didn’t even require me to go an extra mile yet I did. I thought people won’t even notice my work so then we were given recognition for our roles.  I thought 2018 will be a slow and steady year and I will probably not socialise that much.Hence, I stopped Continue reading

Making the Most of Winter by Sheikh Abdul Qadir al Junaid حفظ الله

💎📌Making the most of winter by diligently striving in performing acts of obedience

🔵📝It is authentically narrated from Umar ibn al Khattab رضي الله عنه that he said:

“Winter is the prize of the devout worshippers”

Narrated by Ahmad in ‘az Zuhd’, ibn Abi Saibah in ‘al Musannaf’, ibn Abi ad Dunya in ‘at Tahajjud’, Abu Nu’aim in ‘al Hilya’ and by others.

The following statements explain and clarify the meaning of the above statement:

1⃣ The statement of Hasan al Basri رحمه الله: ‘The best of times for the believer is winter as its nights are long, so he stands in prayer therein and its days are short, so he fasts therein.

This statement was narrated by al Haafidh ibn Rajab in his book ‘Lataa’if al Ma’arif’.

2⃣ What has been narrated from ‘Ubaid ibn ‘Umair رحمه الله that when winter approached, he would say, “Oh people of the Quran, the night has been lengthened for your prayer and day has been shortened for your fasting, so make the most of it.”

This was narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah in his ‘al Musannaf’.

✏✏Compiled by Sheikh Abdul Qadir al Junaid حفظه الله

Reference: https://telegram.me/aljunaid8 (The English channel of Sheikh Abdul Qadir Al Junaid’s Knowledge Based Benefits)

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Changes After Seeking Knowledge: Testimony of a Sister who has a Non Salafi Husband

This is from the sisters telegram study channel taught by Zaynab El-Kiteb.

Anonymous sister: 

Since the teacher asked us some weeks ago to share our changes since we started to take knowledge, I kept thinking and pondering about this, and I found really difficult to explain it, talking about my feelings is something which I always found difficult but I’m changing a lot, even in this… so here is a brief list of changes I made after Allah guided me to, hopping it will be beneficial:

I used to think that the the only way for me to have a better life would be if Allah removes my husband from my life, I thought that I would feel happier because I would marry after him to a salafi man. All this thinkings were just because he is not salafi, he is just a common Muslim not interested on learning and changing. After I started to learn, Allah made me to be aware that He is The Only One Who judges what is better for me and that He decreed this to me because an inmense wisdom and that I was unjust by planning my qadr, so He enabled me to appreciate that my husband is the best husband for me, that no person cares for me like him, even if he commits mistakes like all humans, I highly appreciate now that he doesn’t interfere in my studies like other husbands, that he allows me to wear what pleases Allah, and how many husbands don’t allow this to their wives?, so how come I did prefer that Allah takes him out of my life? I don’t think I will find a husband better than mine and may Allah guide him.

Another change I noticed in my life was that before, acts of worship were hard or heavy for me, even if I prayed rigorously my prayers but I wasn’t feeling eagerness to pray, and I used to delay them and while praying my heart was absent, not concentrated so I didn’t enjoy my prayers and same goes for any act of worship. Now many times (but not always) my heart is concentrated till I can feel tears running on my cheek while praying, I’m eager now to pray and I use not to delay it, now I truly like to pray and I enjoy it. While praying I’m aware that commanding me to pray at least 5 daily times is a result of Ar-Rahim’s mercy. He commanded me to do it and I don’t find through this command except that Al-Wadood loves me so He chooses me to pray and not only this, to pray with a present heart, which is double mercy upon me.

Another of the many changes I noticed is that before I didn’t like to study, I just kept taking a fatwah here, an article there and so on and this is what I based my knowledge on. Now I feel that I need to study seriously, when I am not able to study for some days due to any reason, I feel as if my heart is screaming to me, due to its necessity to study, or maybe it’s crying, I don’t know, there is a feeling Allah Al-Jamil puts in my heart while studying which is not comparable to any of the pleasures of this world and my heart misses this feeling when I don’t study.

Now I’m a new person and I ask Allah to enable me to continue changing and changing till I’m the slave He wants me to be, till I’m able to please Him, and I ask Allah same thing for all my teachers, my friends, my husband and of course any sister who will read my words.

If I was to keep the rest of my life in sujud, for sure I will still not be able to thank Allah all blessings He gave me.

A sister replied to above:

Maa shaa Allah, may Allah continue to guide you and your husband, ameen. Unless he falls into Kufr, be patient with him, he is busy.

I had a similar marriage except, as my Husband became successful, he lost much if his religion and subsequently lost an 8 year marriage. And to this day I look back wondering what more I could have done to influence him instead of losing hope. I advise, try not to confront him much, let some things slide and send him the daleel later… The world of a single Sister hoping for a righteous Salafi Brother is like wanting the rarest of the rare few, swimming amongst sharks. Fi Aman Allah Ukhti.
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