True Story of a Mother Struggling to Remain Firm on Tawheed

I come from a Sufi family where a lot of bidah and shirk is present. Alhamdulillah Allah guided me to the straight path and Alhamdulillah Allahumma Baarik I got married to a Salafi .

I started to relearn my Deen correctly from the correct sources Alhamdulillah and had the company of my dear husband who Masha Allah tabarak Allah is of a strong emaan and he patiently and kindly helped me always.

I used to do an internship at the hospital before my marriage and hence have seen suffering people. I could never go inside the pediatric icu as I have always loved babies and I couldn’t see that . I would sit outside as my colleagues went in .I would look at the board where the babies names were written and feel so bad for the parents .

Allah blessed us with a baby boy after a year and a half of our marriage ,I named him Ismail to this day that memory makes me cry. I had chosen that name for my son since I was in 10th. Ismail was very dear ,my first baby I cared for him a lot. When he was 7 and a half months old he was admitted in the hospital because he got seizures the doctor said nothing to worry we can go home tomorrow morning . I was sitting in the ward in the night looking at my baby sleeping then a Muslim lady came up and asked me what was wrong and all she left me saying looking at Ismail that he is possessed you need to put a taweez (amulet) for him she said no Medicine will help ,he will get worse .At that point I just ignored her but slowly it was seeping in after all I was raised in ahime where all this was so strongly practiced . Ismail’s health got worse, he was in ICU now ,when I sat outside and saw my Ismail’s name on the board I broke down crying and then I thought does Ismail need a taweez am I being arrogant and pushing my baby to death?

This though kept becoming stronger and stronger. All I had to do was tell my mom and she would get it for me I had to hide it from my husband, all this kept playing in my mind. Ismail was sick for a month and it had been a month since we saw him play or smile. One night I saw my husband and Ismail sleeping and thought it’s enough Ismail has suffered enough I will call my mom now and get the taweez. I started to cry and cry and I thought of all the sacrifices I had made to be on the haqq how I had wished a life of emaan for my Ismail, I told myself then no NO I will not do it, if Ismail is destined to die he will die on Tawheed I will never do shirk never, I cried profusely that night asked for Allah’s forgiveness and slept in the morning my husband woke me up in excitement and said look at Ismail .Ismail was sitting up smiling at both of us ,I cried and cried and hugged him, from that day on his health got better and better. The doctors has suspected anything for my baby paralysis , coma, death etc.. Subhanallah my Allah didn’t want to take my baby  He Subhanawatala only wanted to cleanse me of the shirk and wanted to clean my heart Subhanallah. I could have bore see myself or my husband in pain but Ismail was to dear ya Ustaza.Today my Ismail is 12 years old and healthy Alhamdulillah and is doing hifz Alhamdulillah.Allah’s Qadar even when we see it as hurting us is only and only for are good.

 

Disclaimer: This is shared by an anonymous Salafi mother to student of knowledge Zaynab Al Kateb after the end of her Usul Ath Thalatha 2018 classes and the names have been changed to keep her privacy.

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Changes After Seeking Knowledge: Testimony of a Sister who has a Non Salafi Husband

This is from the sisters telegram study channel taught by Zaynab El-Kiteb.

Anonymous sister: 

Since the teacher asked us some weeks ago to share our changes since we started to take knowledge, I kept thinking and pondering about this, and I found really difficult to explain it, talking about my feelings is something which I always found difficult but I’m changing a lot, even in this… so here is a brief list of changes I made after Allah guided me to, hopping it will be beneficial:

I used to think that the the only way for me to have a better life would be if Allah removes my husband from my life, I thought that I would feel happier because I would marry after him to a salafi man. All this thinkings were just because he is not salafi, he is just a common Muslim not interested on learning and changing. After I started to learn, Allah made me to be aware that He is The Only One Who judges what is better for me and that He decreed this to me because an inmense wisdom and that I was unjust by planning my qadr, so He enabled me to appreciate that my husband is the best husband for me, that no person cares for me like him, even if he commits mistakes like all humans, I highly appreciate now that he doesn’t interfere in my studies like other husbands, that he allows me to wear what pleases Allah, and how many husbands don’t allow this to their wives?, so how come I did prefer that Allah takes him out of my life? I don’t think I will find a husband better than mine and may Allah guide him.

Another change I noticed in my life was that before, acts of worship were hard or heavy for me, even if I prayed rigorously my prayers but I wasn’t feeling eagerness to pray, and I used to delay them and while praying my heart was absent, not concentrated so I didn’t enjoy my prayers and same goes for any act of worship. Now many times (but not always) my heart is concentrated till I can feel tears running on my cheek while praying, I’m eager now to pray and I use not to delay it, now I truly like to pray and I enjoy it. While praying I’m aware that commanding me to pray at least 5 daily times is a result of Ar-Rahim’s mercy. He commanded me to do it and I don’t find through this command except that Al-Wadood loves me so He chooses me to pray and not only this, to pray with a present heart, which is double mercy upon me.

Another of the many changes I noticed is that before I didn’t like to study, I just kept taking a fatwah here, an article there and so on and this is what I based my knowledge on. Now I feel that I need to study seriously, when I am not able to study for some days due to any reason, I feel as if my heart is screaming to me, due to its necessity to study, or maybe it’s crying, I don’t know, there is a feeling Allah Al-Jamil puts in my heart while studying which is not comparable to any of the pleasures of this world and my heart misses this feeling when I don’t study.

Now I’m a new person and I ask Allah to enable me to continue changing and changing till I’m the slave He wants me to be, till I’m able to please Him, and I ask Allah same thing for all my teachers, my friends, my husband and of course any sister who will read my words.

If I was to keep the rest of my life in sujud, for sure I will still not be able to thank Allah all blessings He gave me.

A sister replied to above:

Maa shaa Allah, may Allah continue to guide you and your husband, ameen. Unless he falls into Kufr, be patient with him, he is busy.

I had a similar marriage except, as my Husband became successful, he lost much if his religion and subsequently lost an 8 year marriage. And to this day I look back wondering what more I could have done to influence him instead of losing hope. I advise, try not to confront him much, let some things slide and send him the daleel later… The world of a single Sister hoping for a righteous Salafi Brother is like wanting the rarest of the rare few, swimming amongst sharks. Fi Aman Allah Ukhti.
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Those who love Allaah

📬” ولا شيء أطيب للعبد ولا ألذُّ ولا أهنأُ ولا أنعم لقلبه وعيشه من محبة فاطره وباريه، ودوام ذكره والسعي في مرضاته، وهذا هو الكمال الذي لاكمال للعبد بدونه، وله خُلِق الخلق،..

ولا سبيل إلى الدخول إلى ذلك إلا من باب العلم، 

فإن محبة الشيء فرعٌ عن الشعور به، وأعرف الخلق بالله أشدهم حبا له
🔸نقلا عن كتاب”مفتاح دار السعادة” لابن القيم(١٣٦/١)